Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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