I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
