I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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