Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
