Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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