i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
