You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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