filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
