you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
