What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
