I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
