God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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