i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
