I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
