i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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