TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
