The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
