she looked like the before picture.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
