tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
