just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
