everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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