So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
