Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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