I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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