I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I died a long time ago.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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