That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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