As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
