I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
splinters make it hard to masturbate
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
