He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
