So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
