My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
how does that bad decision feel?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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