i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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