my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
