I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
