so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We talked him into tasing himself.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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