My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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