It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
