This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
