i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
