Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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