Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
