and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
