That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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