Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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