So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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