I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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