I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
