my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize