i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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