Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
