I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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