I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
