Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
