Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
