I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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