....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
