I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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