I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
