and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
