I want to have your abortion
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
