I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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