You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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