So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
