I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
