A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
