apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
